When we are trying to connect with a beloved, there are 4 fundamental desires. Fujishin outlines the LINK attitude for connection:
Listen
Invite
Notice
Know
Listening is the first duty of connection; really being open to understanding the thoughts and feelings of the other.
Inviting involves wanting others to open up to us so their feelings, dreams, thoughts and hurts can be shared.
Noticing involves paying attention to the other person.
Knowing involves a strong desire to get to know the other person: their interests, history, fears, and dreams.
In future posts, we will address these desires individually!
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Reading through this I kind of think to myself, "duh, that's what every relationship is supposed to entail." Then I realize, these things are not always performed and not always in the right order. It takes, sometimes, someone laying it out for everyone to take in and understand before things can be correct. LINK is a great acronym and easy to remember, and best of all, is very effective and efficient.
ReplyDeleteThe four concepts, Listen, Invite, Notice and Know, are things that must be not only attempted to develop a relationship, but constantly worked on to keep a relationship fresh and open. It goes into family life as well. You must be open and listen to your family's wants and needs and thoughts and hurts in order to stay close with you siblings or parents.
As I was reading the post, I too, thought that all those were very obvious in what all relationships (not just romantic ones) were suppose to have. Then when I thought longer about it I realized how often those steps are performed out of order, or just completely left out. If we don't listen, invite, notice, and know the other individual then we will be unable to establish a relationship. If any of the steps are left out of the LINK attitude process then established relationships are not going to be as healthy or strong as they could be.
ReplyDeleteTurner - 315
I think about what makes a relationship work and the close bond that eliminates problems. I agree with Fujishin outline and how the connection links both individuals, creating positive growth within the relationship. Over the years, I understand a few things that women desire from a man: Ability to listen, pay attention to the smallest things, the desire to get to know her and not her outside appearance and sharing thoughts. The key to a great relationship is working together and understanding one another.
ReplyDeleteMaria Davidson COMM 315
ReplyDeleteThis completely makes sense to me as I see all of these traits within my own marriage. My husband and I actually have great communication and we both share everything with one another. I think this acronym is a huge factor in the amount of respect present in the relationship. These elements of communication can be so rewarding in relationships when present and devastating to ones when they are not communicated.
The LINK attitude for connection is a great outline for relationships to follow. I believe this would help even the happiest of realtionships. By listening more I think my husband and I would find there are still things to learn about each other. By inviting I would subtly remind my husband that I care about him and want to hear about his thoughts and feelings. And noticing would make my husband realize that I do actually listen, even at times when it seems I'm not! Lastly, knowing is something that I think every relationship needs from the beginning. I don't think a relationship can bloom if this isn't present. Why would we want to befriend or love someone who isn't interested in what makes me for me?!
ReplyDeleteMeg Rudolph
Comm 460
Morgan Tardiff
ReplyDeleteComm 460
Link is important in all realtionships not just romantic ones. Listening for me is one of the hardest duties in my realtionship. I'm usually the one in the relationship that has a hard time listening. I definitely need to work on this duty the most out of all the links. Like Fujishin says I really need to be open to understanding the thoughts and feelings of the other. The means really listening to the persons thoughts and feelings and remebering what they share with me.
Link...the link way of trying to create a stable, healthy relationship is inside of those four words. They don't seem that important, but when I think about it, they are very important. I think that sometimes people don't want to consider the link method because they are set in their roles and don't want to consider other options to making a relationship work because they think their are great when it comes to relationships. I think I am decent in making the right choices to have a relationship except romatically I am not in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteListening ... If you don't listen what is the point of communicating. Letting everything go in one ear and out the other is not very considerate.
Inviting...I can relate. I don't think I am a very inviting person, and that might be why I am not in a relationship.
Noticing... I notice everything and its not always positive. Why do friends always notice what is going on in other realtionships around.
Knowing... Knowing is a fact that I haven't came close to.
If I could follow this method, I believe it would help to maintain a heathly relationship with anyone you love romatically or not.
Nancy Kindrick 315
Tokova 460
ReplyDeleteI think these are very important points that any relationship needs to be successful. Listening is probably the most important part. If your partner is not willing to listen as well as you not being willing to listen, the relationship is doomed from the start. If you don't listen, the knowing, inviting and noticing are irrelevant. The inviting part of a relationship is important because both people need to feel comfortable inviting the other to be an active participant in all aspects of a relationship. Noticing allows you to realize that what you say is important to both people in a relationship. Knowing is the part of a relationship that lets both people know that what they want and feel is important to the other. Without all 4 of these, I don't feel a relationship can survive.
I think those are very accurate desires. However, i wonder how many of us especially guys LIK instead of LINK. I love the idea that someone can confide in me, it makes me feel swell someone can trust me with things. I think we all do. But I wonder how much we really listen. Too often i thnk we all just get ready to provide our input, and maybe miss deeper messages, and meanings, due to the fact we shut off or receivers or at least turn them down. Like Stephen Bale said, these seem pretty obvious for a relationship, but how much do we really heed this?
ReplyDeleteNick Valvano Comm 315
I think that I use all four of these in my communication throughout the day. However, I think it is very easy to look over the Notice aspect. When you have a lot on your mind and you want to tell your loved one etc. about it, I think it is easy to overlook their problems. For instance I have a friend who does this quite often when I talk to her, and sometimes I feel that she didn't really listen and understand what I was trying to tell her because whenever she got the chance she would begin to disscuss something that happened to her. I am very careful not to do this to other people and I hope that they would tell me if I did.
ReplyDeleteNicole Carey 315
Shannon Cline
ReplyDeleteComm 460
I think Fujishin really hits it with the LINK. In my relationship, I have found that I often times feel like Jason isn't listening to me, then I stop to think that maybe I am not listening to him like I should. Inviting has always been a problem for me, I tend to keep myself private out of fear of someone using my dreams, etc to hurt me at some point. over the years I have realized the more I notice about my husband, the more likely he is to take notice to me and what I want. Knowing is the part I like, I love to know about people, but Jason is more reserved about certain things like I am. so sometimes I have to pull information, good thing I lilke a challenge.
I think that the aforementioned elements are critical in a relationship. They are not mutually exclusive. They can all coexist and when they do, progress is made in the relationship. Listen should indeed be first on the list. Listening involves active participation. It requires one to sit back and truly take in what is being said to you. Invite is also an important element because it lends itself to good communication. It is an invitation to open up and discuss dreams and feelings. This can be beneficial in any relationship. Notice is another great element in a relationship. Noticing certain things in a relationship can also be beneficial. Noticing what works and what doesn't in a relationship can greatly improve relationship challenges I have found. Know is the final element of Fujishin's fundamental desires. Knowing about a person's interests, desire, fears, and dreams can lead to a deep understanding and a truly emotional connections.
ReplyDeleteTommy Kottalis-460
Charlotte Shumate
ReplyDeleteClass 460
Blog
LINK that is an interesting acronym and a good way to remind yourself of what you should be doing in your relationships. I have always thought myself a really good listener and people always come to me for advice and of course I’m there for them and I listen. My husband and I always listened to each other and worked on our relationship daily. We paid attention to what each other wanted and if one of us got upset we would sit down and talk about it. We cared what each other had to say and how we were feeling about things. You really do need to stay in touch with each other’s feelings and show that you care and are there for them. Life can be hard but if you take time out for the people you love life can be so much happier. Keep the communication open and be in the moment.
G.Mason-Comm-460-50
ReplyDeleteListening is one of the topics that we talked about during the beginning of the semester and I have been continuing to work on that. When I want to get to know each other I feel that I have in the past utilized these four fundamental desires and I feel that they are all very important. If you take the time listen to someone they are more than likely going to listen to you in return because they notice that you care as well as for being inviting them, noticing, and knowing someone. I know that I want people to do all of these things for me. I feel that if you do all of these things for someone and they can do the same for you in return that this will help build a strong relationship. In some cases there are some people who want let you in to their interests, history, or fears. It takes time to penetrate this information from deep within their identities. I have someone that I truly care about and at times I can be an open book and they will make comments about me or what I’m talking about, but they only will open up just a little about them, but I know that there are things that are going on or have gone on in their life that they haven’t told me about yet. Because I care about them some much I will continue to stick around until they do feel comfortable enough to open up to me.