How do you respond when life deals you a challenge? What do you do with the pain associated with hurt, loss, and stress? Hicks and Foster found a surprising answer to this question when they interviewed happy people:
Happy people engaged in what the authors term Recasting. Recasting happens in 2 phases: 1) happy people dive into the negative experience and allow themselves to feel the dark emotions deeply; 2) they begin to transform their emotions into new reactions and emotions.
By confronting and honoring our negative emotions we can move through them instead of getting "stuck". Our emotions can block the energy that courses through our bodies and in this way contribute to sickness and dis-ease in our physical body. Denial of our emotions is powerful, but is rooted in our fear of our emotions. We have the strength to handle these emotions--we just need to allow our strength to surface instead of running away.
Once the emotions are experienced deeply, happy people start looking for the lessons to be learned through the traumatic experience and for the deeper meaning of the experience. In this way, they become pro-active and empowered.
I study the Chinese language (which is really challenging, but rewarding). The Chinese word "crisis" is composed of two traditional characters. The first character means danger and the second character means opportunity. I think this summarizes the idea of recasting perfectly. We move through the danger/fear/dark emotions and we realize opportunity is presented by the situation.
Recasting requires effort and energy, but ultimately it requires less energy and has far different consequences than denying emotions or getting stuck in a negative situation. With practice, recasting becomes easier to do. Remember, recasting takes time and patience--it is not a quick fix to a problem.
Sometimes when I am feeling most fearful, I find it helpful to write down exactly what is making me afraid. Then I allow myself to really experience the fear. Next, I start writing what would allow me to cope with the fear-producing situation better. Finally, I develop a mini-action plan that I can start enacting immediately.
I encourage you to try this when you face a challenge...
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Angela Clayton from COMM460 says....
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this blog because this is how I try to tackle obstacles in my life by realizing what the situation is and going through phases then learning how to adapt and overcome that obstacle. I feel like at times my stress in life can really weigh me down but then I realize that everyone has stress and my stress is just common factors such as college, workforce, family and friends. Instead of dwelling on all the negatives in my life I try to look at my life through blessings. That I'm able to go out in life and tackle anything without holding back. Some people don't have the chance to live life to the fullest and all your stress and heartache will pay off in the end. At the end of the blog it talks about writing down your thoughts and fears in times of distress to really evluate your issues. I personally have always wrote in a journal for a few reasons. One to look back one day and see all the things that I have encounter and remember events that you would normally forget are now forever in a journal. Another reason is if I'm going through something hard and really can't talk to anyone because it might be embrassing or just don't want to be judged by the situation, writting down my issues is like therapy to me. To be able to put it on paper I feel like it weighs less on my shoulders. Everyone deals with issues differently and I deal with mine in a certain way but as long as it's a healthy outlet your stress and fear in life will be less.
It's very common to meet people and become close to them only to find they don't really know how to cope with their problems. Two of my very close friends when something happens they tend to just curl up in a ball, shut the entire world out, and will not come out until they feel better. When that time comes, they are fine but they want to ignore the problem like nothing ever happened. This drives me CRAZY! I am the type of person who always has to talk to someone about the problems I am experiencing in my life. I believe if you don't talk about things then they build up in you and you get physically and emotionally weak. It's not a good way to be. When friends shut out the world the way some do, it forbids us from being good listeners in the way we were meant to be as friends. Not expressing your emotions is simply not the way to go.
ReplyDeleteA problem of mine is I don't show a lot of emotions. Everything can be fine or I can be having a bad day and I still keep the same expressions. My wife even tells me that I need to show more emotion because she never knows how I am feeling about anything. She always ask me how come nothing ever bothers me. I tell her that I don't let things bother that I can't control. I tell her to look at the people around her that let emotions control their lives, these people age fast and look much older than their actual age.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't show a lot of emotion I think its important to show emotion sometimes. When my kids do something good I show emotions and when they do something bad I want them to understand that whatever they did is not exceptable. But as far as showing negative emotions I don't do this a lot because I think when people show negative emotions it can ruin the attitudes of the people that they are around.
After reading this I realize I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I lost my husband seven years ago and to this day I am still having a hard time dealing with the loss. We were married for 29 years, had two children and he really was my best friend. Since I no longer have him to share my life it's very lonely. We use to talk about any and everything and laugh so much together. He was a mess and such a good guy. I cried everyday for over a year after his death and most days I still cry a bit...when I hear a sad song, or see an older couple walking and holding hands..it brings so many thoughts to my mind. I feel cheated because I wanted us to grow old together and it didn't happen. So here I am trying to figure it all out and still try and be a happy person. I've always been a pretty positive person so I do catch myself and say come on Charlotte you can get through this. Then there are days I just want to lay in bed and pull the covers over my head and sometimes I do. But I know I have to go on and time has made it a little more bearable. I still miss him everyday, I miss his voice, his smile, his laughter and his telling me what to do..haha I miss it all. I'm working on me and I guess in time I'll be okay...it's kind of like sleep walking through your life. Somedays seem real and others don't. Guess I sound crazy but I'm really not it's just how I'm dealing with the loss and trying to make it one day at a time. I also lost two brothers in the last few years and the loss really has been difficult for all of us. Anyway, I'll survive and try to remember it's through the pain and hurt that we grow and become stronger, better people.
ReplyDeleteComm 460-Sydney Smith
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this entry it was very helpful to me. I have delt with the loss of a family memeber, and it has been years since the passing of my father and coping has been difficult. Reading this has really made me think about tough situations and one the solution of getting deep into the heart of our emotions seems very practical to me. I think that fully understanding and transforming the emotions will make for a better understanding the next time it happens or for future situations. Recently I have started writing in a journal for more basic things but I do believe getting my deeper emotions out in writing will in fact be beneficial to me and will maybe help in some healing and personal growth.
Courtney Busick - COMM 460
ReplyDeleteI learned a long time ago that I can either let a hurtful, tragic, or hard situation in and actually let it transform me or I can let it in and keep it there. As I reflect on my past experiences, I realize I do recasting. I am not ashamed or unwilling to process what I am going through and what emotions I am facing. I can consciously recognize where I am in a grieving process and let that affect my actions. I handle my emotions head on and really try to have an outlook of "how will this change me? how can this better me as an person?" It is a challenge and I am not saying I am always ready to let go of some emotions. It is a process I am constantly working to develop and understand. I can honestly say when a similar fearful or hurtful situation arises, I still let those fears in but I meet them head on.
I can see the similarities in how the happy people deal with emotion and myself. I do try to learn a lesson from emotions. The blog suggested that happy people face their fears or figure out how to deal with emotions. I try to be a happy person, but I am not always. I do believe that I am a very sensitive, emotional person who can somewhat handle my emotions most of the time. A lot of my friends say that I am very strong when it comes to the yucky emotional feelings. I do feel like I only let people see the emotions that I want them to see. I do not understand why I do that. I am an only child and my parents are divorced. I have seen tradegy in my life also. I think once you can face your fears, it becomes easier to cope with the emotions that came from what you fear.
ReplyDeleteI love to listen to sad music when I'm upset. I feel like it helps me to deal with my sadness. I try not to run or be in denial because you can't move on as easier to be a happier person. I try not to be scared of emotion. I just let them happen. You have to let them out or they can backfire. If I cry so what. It makes me feel better and that is what is important.
All you can do is live day to day and try to stay sane and not let your feelings hold you back from experiencing the good things that can happen in life.
Nancy Kindrick-305
I am not a recaster. I wish I was but I am not. I tend to keep my feelings bottled up and I very rerely have it in me to just feel the emotion and get over it. Part of the reason is just because I am too busy. I have two children, a husband, work full time, and go to school full time. If I stop to let myself feel emotions that are bothering me I will never get all I need to get done done. I tend to let things eat and eat at me until I finally have a huge blow out. This does not happen often but I would rather it not happen at all. Hopefully I will learn to better work this out in the future.
ReplyDeleteWell this post could not come at a more appropriate time. I am literally about to smash my monitor, because I have attempted to post this response 4 times, each time the power has flickered, and I have been forced to start from scratch. If my tone in this entry is a little violent, please excuse me.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I really enjoyed your approach to maintaining life's "problems. Each year that I grow older, it seems that I inherit another bill, another responsibility, and another chip on my shoulder. I am now twenty six years old, I work forty hours a week (third shift, and am facing the perils of trying to purchase my first home. Let's just say the stress is piling on fast. I have a tendency to let all of these problems compound, add up, then release onto some poor soul. I believe that by using the strategies that you outlined, I will be able to attach priority to my problems, and resolve them effectively. I believe that learning to manage our problems, is just as important as learning how to solve them.
Poste By Branden Hatfield Comm 315-50
Brandi Koch - 315-50
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more with this blog! I especially like the part about the Chinese definition of "crisis" meaning danger and opportunity. If you emotionally feel that something is not right in your life, but you are too afraid to confront the situation, you will not grow. If you can appreciate the challenge and embrace the emotions (even if they are negative) then you will come through the situation with more knowledge and perspective then you started with. It seems that sometimes the "right" direction is not always the easy direction in life. If you are willing to take the road less traveled, the payoff may be something that you could only have dreamed of - and you will be happy because of it :)
Looking at this exercise, I can't help but to think about how crazy my life has been in the last few months, and how I have dealt with it. In April of last year my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I moved back home and transferred to UofL due to her condition because the doctors were saying she wouldn't have more than a month or two. She fought all summer and fall and passed away in early January. This was a very hard time for me and my family. Before this, my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me (due to feelings she may or may not have had for someone else) and that was very hard too. It caught me completely by surprise. I didn't just accept it though. I confronted her on several occasions about how ridiculous it was and how unfair it was to me. These two things in the last few months have changed my life drastically. But they have changed my life or the better. I try to be the best person I can be now and take much more initiative to do something with my life.
ReplyDeleteI constantly believe my mother is watching me and judging me if I do something wrong so I try to my best at all times. It also gives me motivation to prove to my ex that she is missing out on something great. My success will make her realize how big a mistake she made and, more importantly, make my mother proud. Everything that happens from here on out, I truly believe will ultimately lead me to a better and stronger path to take my life.
This blog entry couldn't be more fitting. I came home last night to experience the hardest situation I have ever dealt with and I do find myself dealing in those stages. I allowed myself an amount of time to be upset, cry, and deal with it. But I find myself today realizing that in order to be happy and fix the situation I have to become proactive. This isn't a lesson I have always known, I have always had a problem with dwelling on the bad in my life and it just makes you more unhappy. Bottling things up never helps, taking the next step to happiness is whats needed. I loved this entry.
ReplyDeleteMorgan Tardiff Comm 460
ReplyDeleteI definitely don’t handle stress in the same way happy people would handle it. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to deal with their emotions. My family never made me feel like I had to hold my feelings in, but I feel weak when I get emotional. I especially don’t like to feel emotional or vulnerable in front of other people. Since I’m not an emotional person I end up bottling everything up and then explode on either my family or boyfriend. I know this isn’t the best way to transform my emotions, but it’s become a habit that I’m having trouble breaking. I need to learn how to confront my negative emotions so I can move through them instead of just holding it all in. I guess I’m in denial of my emotions because I fear what other people might think. I think it’s a great idea to write down exactly how I feel and what I’m afraid of. It will really help myself experience the fear.
I am often described by others and myself as a sensitive, emotional person. I take things personally, including others' heartache and struggles, and I cry pretty much every time I have any strong emotion--anger, sadness, frustration, joy, elation, you name it!
ReplyDeleteIronically, I still suppress certain emotions, especially when it comes to my deepest and darkest fears. And it took me a few days of really focusing to even recognize this habit in myself. I always thought I experienced my emotions too much rather than suppressing them. But something Dr. Werking says in this post really struck a chord with me, and I have tried to be more aware of the self-talk that goes on in my head when my fears crop up.
What I've finally noticed is that, when something pops in my head that I truly fear and for which I have no workable solution as of yet, I chastise and talk down to myself. That voice is not soothing or acknowledging the real issue at all. Instead, it says "Come on. Don't be ridiculous. You're better than this. You shouldn't be afraid." I have noticed that I even call myself names, and I can't tell you where, when, or how that originated. What I'm realizing, though, is that this type of self-talk doesn't even come close to addressing my fear; it only makes me feel worse and invalidated for being fearful in the first place. Which then pushes the fear back into my mind, only to resurface at another inopportune moment of weakness and vulnerability. This continuous suppression and built-up negative self-talk eventually turns outward, and I blow up at someone around me who doesn't deserve it, and then I feel guilty about it afterwards. That still isn't a solution, though, because the fear is still there unresolved. I really want to learn how to recast my problems. I think teaching myself to feel my true fears and to work out a step-by-step solution is a lesson that will be forever helpful. This is a challenge for me, but I am going to try it. It can't be any worse than what I'm doing now!
Maria Renee Davidson COMM 315
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer in self-help. I think that recasting is actually critical in many of the curves that life throws at you. Unfortunately I had a father that never learned the toll stress takes on a body when not dealing with the emotions that accompany it. It literally eats at your heart and was a key factor in my father’s life ending unexpectedly at age 45. As a person at risk for a heart attack, I literally chose to “recast” by dealing with the gravity of the situation and then making a positive outcome of my own personal tragedy. After counseling I was at a point to help peers at my school better cope with loss by talking openly in groups. Not only did it prove helpful to relate to others who were also experiencing a similar situation but it also helped me socially by reaching out to others I probably would have never interacted with. I continue to live my life by the same rule, I personally feel it is easier to deal with things initially versus suppressing the emotions or actions and then having them resurface later.
Tiffany Jones comm 315.I tend to hold in my emotions instead of expressing how I feel. I have improved on expressing myself by writing down how I feel. I really hold in my emotions when it comes to my husband because I tend to become very emotional with him and acnt get my point across and become fustrated.Also I lost my father when I was 14 years old and it was very hard for me to deal with and it showed physically. I lost alot of weight and became defensive towards my friends aand family. I didn't realize how much I has changed until I went to counseling and was able to express my feelings.I'm going to try to recast when I'm stressed and upset and most likely I will began to realize that the situation might not be as bad I thought it was and also will learn how to react if I'm ever in a similar situatuion again.
ReplyDeleteKathy Mattingly--COMM 315
ReplyDeleteWow! This post could not have come at a more opportune time for me. I know a lot of people have discussed the loss of a loved one and how they deal with those feelings and I have always been able to deal with those feelings well. For me this post touches to losing my job. It was more devasting to me than losing a loved one because it's never happened to me before. I've lost many loved ones and know how to deal with the grief, learn from it and move on to a better place. With losing my job, I had no idea how to handle it. I felt crippled and completely out of sync with life. I never wrote down what I was feeling but now that I look back at the last 12 days since I lost my job I realize that I've processed the feelings in much the same way as losing a loved one. I cried a lot...still do on some days, I tried to throw myself into other activities to get my mind off the loss (not very effective when bills are staring at you), and just yesterday I started formulating a true plan of action. Yes, I had already filed for unemployment and started looking at ways to lower my bills and had sort of started looking for a job. But yesterday I had a bit of a revelation while filling out the final paperwork for my layoff from my job. I realized that I could shut myself off and deal with the pain or I could rely on all the people that I worked with who greatly miss me and wish there were a way to hire me back. I cried again yesterday when I realized all of this, then I decided it was time to act and not sit around any longer. I formulated a plan to actively search for a job and not be afraid of going on interviews (since I haven't done that in 8 years). I can't change the situation but I can face my fears and grow as a person. It's time to look at this loss as an opportunity to move on to bigger and better things in my life! It's time to tackle a new challenge and learn something that makes me a better person!
I chose to reply to this post because the topic of recasting just isn't that easy for some people and it in all honesty irritated me a little. The way I interpreted the reading was the whole "Let Go & Let God" idea. I believe in it all 100% but it's not that easy for some people, the word Fear describes it well but fear of losing control of yourself is what wraps it up into the perfect package,keeping it together so you don't get swallowed up. The world isn't going to stop for us to feel what needs to be felt and if it is that bad, picking yourself up off the floor takes too long, who takes care of your responsibilities during this time? Allowing yourself to feel is a luxury not all of us can afford.
ReplyDeleteG.Mason Comm 460-50
ReplyDeleteI am so proud to say that I think that I am a re-caster. When I am going through a situation that is causing me to endure fear or negative emotions like stress I do embrace them. I don’t actually write it down but I do think about these things during the day. I ask myself things like what is wrong? Why am I so afraid of this happening? Why am I under so much stress or why is this causing me stress? Usually it’s school and work that makes me feel this way so,I take all of my situations in and then I set up a way to encounter them and take action. After a while of embracing my emotions, something goes off inside of me and says “Okay, I’m tired of feeling stressed out and afraid.” “What is it I can do to make things right or keep me from feeling these negative emotions? The best way for me to do this is to think positive and believe in myself that I am capable of making great things happen. I walk around with a smile on my face and I no longer worry about things I just tackle them head on. I always tell my friends that it’s like the old Nike Campaign “Just Do It!”
I realize recasting is something that I should be proactive in. I am afraid that because the economy is so bad that I have wasted years in college and now it will now even help me obtain the things I want. I am terrified that I will be stuck in a position that I am not happy with or I will be underpaid and I will not have options. Even with a degree I think the chance for better opportunites is limited and I am sad about that. I know that I should have faith and live each day to its fullest. But I am just scared that it will be nearly impossible to get the things I want out of life. This is where my trust in God is all I can really depend on.
ReplyDeleteI think that recasting is the way to go about your fears and problems. It is better to face the issuse at hand and deal with it honestly, than to hide it and try to act like nothing happened. I think recasting goes hand in hand with honesty because you must be honest with yourself and with others to move past your fears and problems. Lying to yourself and others about these issues will only make the problem weigh heavier on your mind and won't allow you to overcome it. Yes, it is true that we don't always have time to deal with problems and it can be easier to preoccupy the mind to take these problems away. However, I feel that this is a temporary fix and is only going to bite you and leave you even more troubles in the end. - Zachary Dobson 315
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