During the last few weeks, I've summarized the 9 choices happy people make in their lives. If you want to view the model in its entirety, visit the website of Foster & Hicks, the authors of How We Choose To Be Happy here.
In the last chapter, the authors discuss the importance of synergy in their model of happiness. All of the 9 choices in the model work together to produce a system that is in balance. This system is not stagnant, but is continually adjusting to internal and external forces. The system doesn't stay in balance if one of the choices is inactive.
I liken this balancing act as walking on a balance beam. As I (the system) move forward on the beam, I wiggle to the left and then list to the right while trying to stay in a state of balance on the beam. If adjustments aren't made correctly as the system balances, we risk falling off the beam altogether. The result of falling off the beam is called homeostasis, which is defined as the process of righting a system that has gotten out of balance.
This analogy works for the Happiness Model, but it also works for any social system of which you are a part. A system out of balance does not function (which is why we call some families or relationships "dys-functional"--they are systems out of whack). Think about times when your "system" fell off the balance beam and went through the process of homeostasis. The process can be quite painful and confusing, but holds the potential for transformation of the system.
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Courtney Busick- COMM 460
ReplyDeleteI believe the power lies in knowing when you fall off that "balance beam," it takes effort, determination, and dedication to make it right. When the wrong is made right or put back into balance, there is a sense of knowing you put forth all that hard work. It doesn't just take you though. I believe you can fix or right the mis-balance but if it is in a relationship, there will be a mis-balance still if the other individual isn't willing or can't right the balance too. It's a two way street in my opinion.
I am really trying to find my balance right now. As I have probably written too often,it seems like my roles in all areas of my life have changed in the last few months. I am now the primary breadwinner since my husband lost his job, my parents are getting older and relying on me more and my job responsibilities have increased dramatically. I do think I am trying to find ways to right my balance and get it back together. I know a lot others are in various stages of their own balancing act right now. I do want to very much believe that this process holds the potential to transform me.
ReplyDeleteT.Woods-Comm315
Angela Clayton from COM460-50 says.....
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to the term "dysfunctional". Growing up I had a good upbringing but I always felt like my family was dysfunctional. I felt like I was the only one with a family that wasn't "normal". As I got older and closer to my friends I realized that all families hold some sort of dysfunction in their family life. My major balancing act was thrown off balance when I entered UofL. My parents did not want me to attend a University but contuine on in Community College which was alot cheaper. At first I tried to help my parents understand that I need to go to a University for a four year degree and that I had to leave Community College simply because they did not offer career choices that I wanted in life. What it all boiled down to was paying for the increase tution for UofL. I shortly moved out after entering UofL and pay for all my college now. I think my parents now look back and regret their actions when I decided to move on with my education. I understand everyone has balancing acts in life, it's just about doing what truly makes you happy in life (even if it will cause you to go into debt).
There's been a couple of times when my life was a little off balance. I lost a job when I was pregneant which made me lose my apartment, & making me move back into my mom's. That was not a balanced time in my life. When I got a divorce, I had to get my life on a new balance. If I mess up in a class I start to feel off balance in life. Sometimes, working, taking care of my kids, going to school, & maintain good grades, can be hard to balance. I feel like my head spins around so much that I go to bed. There are still times I tend to go off balance. At times I got so many papers to write that all I do is keep thinking about them as I'm in a zone. I feel so off balance & stressed out when I'm going to school, but empty when I'm not. I just need to figure how to balance the three out & I'll be a much balanced person.
ReplyDeleteThe balance beam analogy is one I can relate to. I am a creature of habit and like for the "big" things in my life to remain constants. This doesn't mean that I can't handle change at all, but rather that I need some adjustment time when a big change happens before I feel "normal" again.
ReplyDeleteAn example of falling off my balance beam was my divorce 5 years ago. Not only did I return to being single, but I also moved back to Atlanta, had to find somewhere to live, and find a job to support myself. I remember feeling very out of place and unsure of my purpose. Dysfunctional is definitely a good word to describe how I felt back then!
Looking back on that time, I know how critical my choices were then. It took me some time to get all the pieces in place, so to speak. I finally found a stable job, which led to a stable home, which eventually led to my returning to school, etc. All of these things gradually started working together to make me feel whole and purposeful again.
Since that time, I've tried to be careful about not letting every piece of my life fall apart at once. Nowadays, I've found that as long as there is still some semblance of stability, whether it's my job, my fiancé, or even just the good health of my parents, I can handle change a lot better. The process of homeostasis is not as arduous or as detrimental to my emotional well-being. In other words, each time I fall off that balance beam, I am better equipped to get back on more quickly and with more secure footing than before.
~Thompson 460
Morgan Tardiff Comm 460
ReplyDeleteI think I have the hardest time balancing my relationships with my social life. I've always loved going out and having a good time with my girl friends, but it seems like every relationship I'm in takes away from that time. When I'm in a relationship I spend the majority of my time with my boyfriend and put my friends on the back burner. Then later I hear from my friends how much I missed out and how I never see them anymore. I know I would hate if they did that to me. I just need to learn how to balance my friend time with my boyfrind time.
G.Mason Comm.460-50
ReplyDeleteThere was a time in my life not to long ago when both of my parents had fallen sick. My mother had to have surgery, and at first they didn't know what was wrong with my father, so the first thing that they said was cancer. This was a very hard time in my life because I was half way through college, and I felt that if anything did go wrong that I was the one who had to step up and make sure that everyone and everything was taken care of. We are just a family of four but at that time if something was to happen to my parents I didn't want to have to go live with a relative I wanted to be able to stand on my own to feet and at this time I couldn’t do that on my own. Even though, my parents do have insurance policies in place, I still didn’t want to even begin to think about that stuff. I also think that this was a time when my grades began to fall. I didn't realize until after everything was back to normal and my parents were back in good health how much it took a toll on me. I was scared. It was the first time in my life that I had to really take in consideration that I would have to go through my life with out both of my parents at my side. I felt that it was just to early. When people become ill this is definitely something that can throw someone’s life out of balance. Now everything is going great and for the past few years I believe that we have been undergoing homeostasis.
I believe that balance in one's life is a natural process and that it is okay to fall off the beam or horse and have to get back on again. Nobody is perfect and I am sure that everyone falls off balance at least once in their lifetime. Right now I would say that my life is pretty balanced. It is hard to create an equal balance for myself, my kids, my husband, work, school, church, and other activities I choose to take on. However, it seems to me that after a certain amount of time spent engaging in the daily routines and responsibilities that I have, they become much easier to balance as I become more accustomed to these routines. A time that stands out in my life that I felt really off balance was when I graduated from high school and headed off to college. Let's just say that living in my parents house was like living in a prison. I was never allowed to do much and had very strict rules I had to follow. I was one of the so called statistics of college freshmen who partied way too much and basically went wild. I met my now husband of 6 years at the age of 18 and also ended up getting pregnant by him at the end of my sophmore year. Times were really tough, basically my family disowned us and we had to make things work out on our own. Times have greatly changed and we have come a long way since then. We even welcomed a new addition to our family just over a year ago and bought our first house, and for once in our lives things have been pretty balanced and I couldn't be happier.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I spend half om my time on this ballance beam. I have a 3 year old and an 11 year old. A child that is about to go through puberty and a child that is barely past the toddler stage. I also have a husband with a fast paced job that does not stop for anything. Like this week for example. Both kids have the flu. My husband and I both work for the county schools. He has 45 sick days and I have used all of my staying home with sick kids or being sick myself. To keep the balance I rarely say anything but I am missing pay staying off of work. The balance thing is really an issue in our house. I want to correct my kids, but I do not want them to ever feel down about themselves. It is a very fine line, and it takes a while to figure out. Actually I have yet to figure it out. Models like these do help though.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important to know when you should fall of the balance beam instead of trying to stay on. In my last relationship there was a year of "leaning to the right and then to the left" to try to maintain a balance. Then I suddenly realized the best thing for me might be to "fall of the balance beam" and start over. Unfortunately this starting over did not involve the person in my last relationship but knowing that I didn't have to stay on the "balance beam" brought perspective to my decision. It was a major learning lesson in my life and now I am on a new balance beam learning to stay on balance!
ReplyDeleteBalance as many of you have stated is something I also struggle with. I seem to fall behind somewhere when I am performing to my standards in other areas in my life. I always find the ends of the spectrum and the balancing act has never come very easily to me. Being in so many different roles and being responsible for so many things can definitely throw you off balance. I think that making an effort as in taking time/appointments with yourself to refuel and taking a bit of "me" time(which I seldom do) is what helps and what is needed to be successful at any balancing act. Knowledge is useless without putting it into action and it takes a lot of self maintainance to be successful at the balancing act.
ReplyDeleteKathy Mattingly--COMM 315
ReplyDeleteThis effectively explains my life right now. I have fallen off the balance beam and I'm struggling to get back on. I was laid-off from my job 3 1/2 weeks ago and I've been finding ways to cope as well as looking for another job. It has taken me awhile to deal with the loss of my job and I think I should have done that and balanced that issue before I immediately started looking for another job. No, this is not a good time to be without a job but I've realized, after reading this blog, that I have to balance or deal with one aspect at a time. There are just so many things to think about when you lose a job and it's never happened to me before so I really didn't know what to do or where to start. I didn't think to take some time to greive over the loss and I think that made the fall worse. If I'd taken the time to greive the loss of the job, then maybe I would have been better balanced to tackle the other items that come around. I've now dealt with the loss and I'm actively looking for a new job. While there are still pangs of grief I'm looking at this as a transformation of me as a person. This is my opportunity to try something new and different and possibly bigger & better than what I had before. After weeks I'm finally optimistic that things will turn out for the best and I will be able to get back on the balance beam soon!
I can tell you that sometimes this "homeostasis" process can be a long and drawn out process. I can tell you that going through a divorce after being married for 10 years, all I really wanted to do was get back on the balance beam and find my natural balance (for myself and my kids)....easier said than done! I felt like every time I tried to get back up on the beam, before I could even stand to try and walk that I was knocked down and placed back down in the "pit" to think about things. I feel that within the last month or so that I have finally stood up on the beam and maybe even taken baby steps, but I am afraid of the unbalance and the chance of falling. Starting a new relationship has prompted this fear of falling again. I hope that homeostasis is in my near future!
ReplyDeleteI have been in relationships that I knew were dysfunctional. I believe that problems occure when there is a lack of communication or communication gets mixed up. When people don't know how to communicate problems are sure to follow. I believe most of my relationships failed because of my inability to communicate. I am a very quiet person and prefer to hold everything inside and then all of a sudden when something happens that gets to me, I already have so much that I have held inside, I explode. I have been working on this problem for a long time and I have gotten better. Sometimes people tend to put the blame on others when there is a problem but if we take the time to evaluate ourselves and look in the mirror we might find that the reason something seems dysfunctional is our own fault. We just have to be willing to admit it and then make a change.
ReplyDeleteCharlotte Shumate
ReplyDeleteClass 460
February 26, 2009
Blog on Synergy
In thinking about a time when I had to work on my homeostasis several things come to mind. I think one of the worse times I had in getting back on balance was when I was trying to decide to change jobs. I had worked at the same job for over 20 years and I was scared to death of trying to switch to something new. It had always been in my mind to change jobs but fear always got the best of me and I would stay at a job I was very unhappy with for many years.
Finally after many years of thought and pain I decided to take a leap of faith and change jobs. It was with the same facility just a different job and a different location. I was so scared and made myself sick from just thinking about changing jobs. After talking it over with my husband I knew I had to do it. I put in for another job was interviewed twice and offered the new position. The new job would include my own office, a raise in pay and I would be making many of my own decisions in regard to my job. How could I be afraid to take a job that offers all this? I think I had just gotten so use to my old job I was comfortable but miserable as well. I stayed sick a lot, dreaded going to work and just about drove myself crazy before I switched jobs. After taking the new job I felt like a new person. The people I work with are wonderful so kind and considerate. I can set my own hours and I am just plain happy to have this new job. My family noticed a complete change in me. I was no longer tired, sick and unhappy but looked forward to going to work. So by stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a new job I am such a happier person, my family has been thrilled with the change that has taken place with me. I am no longer sick all the time, I smile and enjoy doing my job. I would tell anyone who has ever considered changing jobs to not be afraid of change it has been the best thing in the world for me I just wish I had done it ten years sooner. Thank goodness I made the change my life is much more in balance and I love my job.
Brandi Koch Interpersonal Relationships 315-50
ReplyDeleteI love this happiness model. I went to the website and rated myself and, through my own assessment, I did not score lower than a 7 on any one area. I like to think of myself as a naturally happy person. Keeping homeostasis is not always easy and I have definitely seen that one area can affect the others and bring you down as a whole. I had a family business that was recently "out of whack". It hasn't been fixed, but I try to take away good lessons from what I have learned. Relationships, work or personal, need to run like a "well oiled machine" in order to be productive or balanced. If you are misfiring in some direction, you have to address what it is, otherwise you run the risk of it spilling over into another area of the happiness. I have seen this through the breakdown of communication in all relationships. It destroys the relationship, friendship, marriage, etc. The times where I feel that my life is in complete synergy are the happiest. Life is not always perfect, but I definitely try to keep the outlook that everything will turn out ok if I just have faith in the situation. Many things in life are "blessings in disguise" and if you allow situations to fully unfold before judging them, you may be surprised at the beneficial outcome more often than not!
Sydney Smith Comm 460-
ReplyDeleteThe balancing beam analogy is one that really fits my life. I am constantly balancing things such as traveling each week and maintaining my school work. This act of maintaining all of these areas in my life is my individual walk down the balance beam. The things that may throw me off track and cause for dysfunction may be a spontaneous trip or me not correctly planning and organizing my work load. Of of these things will cause for a negative change that will cause for things to be unbalanced.
I feel like I have spent the last couple years gaining and loosing my balance on life’s balance beam. I have went through many changes during that time in my personal, professional, and academic life. First, I was dealing with the death of my grandmother, who I was extremely close to, at the same time my relationship was crumbling, as well as I was doing poorly in classes. During this time I just felt like I couldn’t regain control and get back on track. Soon though, I began to deal with my grandmother’s death and move along from my failed relatinonship. During this time I also got a new job, where I was actually happy with my environment. This was really a turning point for me, where I started to get back on track and regain my “balance”. Of course it’s still a work in progress, and I’m still at times struggling to remain balanced and repair the damage that the past year and a half has brought.
ReplyDeleteTurner - 315
THere is many times im sure when my life has fell apart a little bit and i have fallen off the balance beam, but the most recent and most prevelant in my memory is when in March of 2007 my best friend was killed in front of me. We had grown up with eachother since we were in diapers so to lose a friend like that is really tough. After that happened I went through a period of depression and guilt to where it was difficult just to function on a daily basis. There was a lot of mental issues that I had to overcome before I could get back to normal and get back to my life. It was a very painful process overcoming that event and it took close to a year before I was close to being how I was. But like any life changing event, once I was able to overcome it, I was a stronger person for it. When you have a moment in your life when your system falls apart, it changes your outlook and gives you more experiances to go off of. This experiance showed me how precious life is and how trivial most things in life are. I dont hardly worry about much of anything anymore on a day to day basis becuase it is tough to make them seem like a big deal.
ReplyDeleteAdam Froman-315
Jacqueline Anthony Comm 460
ReplyDeleteThe balancing act is tough sometimes and is definetly something I can relate to in my personal life. I am about to graduate college and I will be a whopping 26 years old this July. I am trying to find the balance between being ambitious and accomplishing all of my goals versus settling in a relationship for the so called "happily ever after". I realize that as I get older, I have the desire for companionship. But I also believe in getting everything I want out of life, while I have the opportunity to be about myself.
Rebecca Hunt
ReplyDeleteComm 315
I think the easiest way to see homeostasis at work in my life is my need to relax and care for myself when I'm going through a stressful time. For example, if I have had a hard week at work, I feel the need to reward myself with a manicure or a massage to help my system get back into order. In more serious events, my body feels the need to sleep or to cry or talk...whatever it takes to express myself and deal with the negativity in my life. It is a very hard process, but also very rewarding if done correctly. I like the example of walking on a balance beam because that's exactly what life feels like many times. I never feel completely balanced, but sometimes more balanced than others. Our emotions seems to be designed to work through tough times in a way that sometimes makes us feel a little uncomfortable and out of "whack."
I have found balance in imbalance, a sort of controlled chaos if you will. I cannot recall my life ever being balanced. There is no fun in that for me. I feel that I have been "in transition" ever since I graduated high school. Transferring twice with Ford Motor has afforded me the luxury of getting out of Michigan, and to some warmer weather in Atlanta. When the Ford plant in Atlanta was idled, I moved to Louisville. I feel that because of these events, I have yet to find true balance in my life. Although I am not actively seeking balance (which maybe I should), I like things to even out a little every now and then. I feel that maybe after I graduate, my life will have a little more balance. Right now the balancing act includes full-time work in the shop, 15 credit hours, a crazy Greek family, my health, and paying my mortgage. Definitely good times. It is not typically in my nature to look out for me, I put my family first. The security of my job is uncertain at best, however, working at Ford has given me the opportunity to contribute financially to my family's needs. It is this that makes me happy. This is the beam on which I wish to balance.
ReplyDeleteTommy Kottalis-460
I went through a really tough time my sophmore year at UofL. I had become distant from my family due to a relationship I was in (the family did NOT approve), lost contact with a lot of my friends (people tend to do this when they get too wrapped up in relationships), grades were not as good as they had been, and my relationship with the man that made me lose contact with family and friends had just ended. I really had fallen off my balance beam! It took a while and some very persistant friends to get me back in balance. Eentually I made some new friends, got a new job, started spending more time with family, and concentrated on school work- I was happy again. Thankfully I have kept my balance with a little wabbling on the way since then. I think it does take trial and error to find the right balance, but when you do it is worth all the mistakes because you finally become happy!
ReplyDeleteMeg Rudolph-460.
I think we are all constantly trying to balance everything throughout our days, weeks, months, and years. I feel that I am constantly in homeostasis. I am so busy all the time with two jobs (one full and one part time) plus full time school and planning a wedding that I am surprised that I am still able to function! I think the time that I felt the most out of balance was when I decided while halfway through Nursing school that it was not what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I fell of the balance beam not knowing what my next step would be, but eventually I climbed back on and am back on track. I am sure I have fallen off the beam before, but this experience really sticks out in my mind because of all the mised feelings I had during that period. I also feel that falling off the beam gives you a reality check that you can really learn from.
ReplyDeleteNicole Carey-315
Balance is hard to maintain physically and mentally. I have learned in order to reach the top you have to go back cherishing your life and what you have now. Last year I was in a car accident that was not my fault. I lost my job and had to drop my classes. Without a job, it was very difficult maintaining a apartment and other bills. However, hard work and prayer allowed me to make it through. Like I said, "I had to go back to make it farther than were I was". I gave the apartment up to be able to have the opportunity to get another. Now, I have a better job, more money, classes and a opportunity to do better than before.
ReplyDeleteBrandee Flynn
ReplyDeleteComm 315
The balance beam analogy works for me. I am constantly trying to find the balance between what I want, what I think I want, and what others want. Even though I feel that I am in pretty good balance at this time in my life, I still feel the wiggles to the left and to the right that keep me on the beam. Finding the things in life that make us happy is definitely a process and not something we can jump right to. Like the balance beam, for me it’s a little of this and a little of that that makes me happy.
I love my parents and am usually happy to spend time with them, but they moved out of town and spending time with them isn’t as easy as it used to be. Now we get to spend time together in larger chunks of time, during visits and vacations. For me, this can make me really happy or can cause a lot of stress. Finding the right balance of time for me, and for them, is still difficult. I want to visit with them for as long as possible, but I still want to be able to miss them when they go.
Maria Renee Davidson -- COMM 315
ReplyDeleteMy system is not only out of whack currently, it is completely upside down. In my immediate family I am the caregiver. I see to it that my kids and husband are taken care of. I naturally adapt to situations in a nurturing manner. My role of healer aka therapist in this family had been altered from a situation that I have no experience in and can’t fix which I am not accustomed to. My mother in law has been diagnosed with breast cancer this weekend and no matter what I say or do is not comforting nor is it life changing. I can’t fix this situation so I chose to still actively participate but instead on the sideline supporting my husband and most importantly his mother.
I think my family is a good indication of where homeostasis comes into play. Sometimes I will fall into unconsciousness and replay insecurities from the past and get my at my mom or my brother and/or blame things on them that really isn't that important. It is not until after I argue or yell at them that I dwell on the situation and realize things I could have done differently. All too many times inside my family and outside, I get upset and fall off the balance beam without looking to see where I was unbalanced when really if I took the time and energy to analyze the situation and myself I would find the problem in myself that was keeping me from being happy. I think writing down situations until I have found a solution is a good way to solve those problems.
ReplyDeleteMy homeostasis was rattled first when I split with my girlfriend of 5 years. Going out with friends was hard at first because I was had a little social anxiety, not knowing how to act without the same person at my side. I corrected that balance with the help of my friends after a short time. They made me realize that I can't let things get to me and I have to reach out and live my own life as an independent person. My balance was rocked forever when my mother passed away earlier this year. Now, I take on twice as many responsibilities at home as before and I have taken on over 40 hours of work a week along with school in order to pay for myself and my education. My life is more busy than ever and sometimes it seems completely overwhelming. It is going to take some time to right my balance now, but I have been working on slowing down and settling my life a little more. I also have a lot of help from my friends and family, so I know they will help me up if I ever fall off my "balance beam."
ReplyDeleteNick Valvano 315
ReplyDeleteWhen I heard the term Homeostasis, I immediately was reminded of that Biology class I took my freshman year, or last year I guess. I remembered how we learned that if one animal population grew beyond its means of survival something happens to bring it back to homeostasis. For instance a moose population on an island grew so big it ran out of food, thus the herd started dying out until there was enough food left to feed a manageable sized herd. It was kind of sad thinking of a bunch of poor starving moose, but the fact that it resulted in the herd then becoming a managable size was a positive thing. I kind of think of happiness like that, just with less moose. Sometimes we wiggle to the left or right, and things can become unpleasant, yet if we grit our teeth and try we can get through and positives can be the end result. For instance for the past two years I've tried juggling working nights at UPS, and playing on the University's ice hockey team. It was really hard, and still is, but I feel like I'm getting the hang of it. Plus our hockey team is starting to improve, and become a more serious goal oriented team, its really cool, now and made all those wiggles (forty straight losses to be exact) to finally get to a positive. (Currently on a winning streak).