My sense of happiness is not the same as yours.
We must decide for ourselves what makes us happy. Hicks & Foster call this process Identification. Identification requires that we hold ourselves in high enough esteem to really dig into our unique dreams, goals, interests, and passions. Identification is a highly self-affirming act!
But, it requires time and courage to identify what makes us happy. Time because we often just run through life rather than sitting, being quiet, and writing down our thoughts. A one-time sit-down session isn't enough--identification should become a continuous process in your life. Courage because our notion of what brings us happiness may conflict with the desires and goals our significant others have for us! In addition, identification requires that you put YOURSELF out there (not the you that plays the roles others have created for us).
So, here's an exercise to get you started (if you don't engage in identification already):
Go to a quiet and comfortable place with a timer, paper and pencil in hand. Write down how you are feeling. Now, set the timer for 4 minutes. During that 4 minutes, make a list of everything that makes you happy. No Judging Allowed! When the timer goes off, stop writing. Look over your list: how does it make you feel? Do you feel surprised? Frustrated? Sad? Exhilarated?
How much of the list reflects who you really are at this point in time? How much reflects what you've been told to enjoy/want?
My next post will deal with implementing your list!
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It's funny that this is the topic of the blog this week. I have recently been going through a series of arguments with a really close, older, friend of mine regarding who I have been hanging out with. She has been judgmental of my choice of friends and I've been trying to explain to her that I am truly happy. It was difficult for me to find my group of friends once I left Murray and moved back into a town that I had no friends. I finally found a group that makes me feel comfortable and she is judging them. It makes me feel torn and lost as to what to do. However, I think I have explained to her that I am happy and that if I wasn't then she would have grounds to be concerned but until then she just needs to be my friend and support me. I have finally realized that I just need to be myself and accept the aspects of my life that really make me happy and just go with them. If you're not true to yourself then you will never truly be happy. After all, it's YOUR life.
ReplyDeleteOk I am writing this entry at work, so there is a chance that some of my answerws may be skewed. Right now I am feeling a bit tired, and stressed due to the recent power outages, but overall am in good spirits.
ReplyDeleteThings that make me happy:
1) Good food
2.) Money
3.) My family, and my dog
4.) Playing poker
5.) Hanging out with my friends (which I do not do much of anymore)
6.) The thought of owning a house
7.) Just relaxing on the couch
8.)U of L Basketball
9.) March Madness
Looking over my list, I am pretty surprised that good food was my first thought. But, I am at work, and starving, so that makes sense. I was a little dissapointed that I could not list more items, and that it took me so much time to get from one thing to the next. Other than that, the list doesn’t really elicit any emotions. For the most part, I can say that I is a fair composite of who I am. All these things bring joy to my life, and represent different aspects of my life.
Posted By Branden Hatfield Comm 315-50
Courtney Busick - COMM 460
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I actually had trouble filling my four minutes up. I don't know if that says something or not. Secondly, after looking at my list, I realize many of the things that make me happy are situational-based or because of where I am right now in my life. Of course, I also wrote down things that made me happy that have always made me happy and I believe will continue to make me happy (i.e. having a girl's day/night with my mom every week.) I am a little anxious looking at my list because I realize many of the things are what I aspire to obtain - a job, benefits with that job (namely health insurance), my own place, etc. Yes, some of these are material items; however, I believe the driving force behind them is that having independence will make me happy. Knowing I am on my own and I am not burdening my parents will give me a sense of fulfillment which will make me happy. I'm anxious because I have been job hunting for many months now and I am the type of person who wants something set in stone now before graduation.
After looking at my list again, I realize what the important things are and what I am not in control of right now. I have to live and let be and keep working on my goals.
Jacqueline Anthony
ReplyDeleteAfter taking the 4 minutes to compose my list. I kept thinking wow, I am really sad. Not really though, I am just tired and lonely. Well I love work until I have to do something that I am not good at or don't enjoy. I hate working and going to school and I am so burnt out. And I don't even know if it matters anymore about having a degree as bad as the economy is. I hope that I find someone to share my life with, because most days its really hard to realize that I am all alone.
This list is a reflection of what I am feeling at the moment but it is more of an in depth look at issues I have dealt with for the longest time. I know that I have to work. I realize that graduating college is a goal I thought I would never accomplish and now that it is here, I couldn't be more proud. And I only have myself to blame for my loneliness because I have high expectations and not just anyone can be that one.
Overall I am proud of myself and I focus on the positive aspects of everything on my list, knowmatter how bad it looked on paper. I know I don't have a choice right now if I am going to happy later on in life.
Most of the things that I wanted to write on my list sounded more like bad habits than things that should really make me happy. As some fellow posters commented, it may just be where I am in life right now. A long nap after a lazy day at the beach sounds good.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that makes me the happiest is spending time with a couple of specific people. Between work and school, I am doing very little of that. Sometimes I also feel like maybe I am spinning my wheels. I am spending a lot of time on school and I am an older student. I have a full-time job, the economy is terrible and I am neglecting my personal life. A degree is definitely worth it for a younger person,but I question if it is worth it for me.
Terri Woods-Comm315
Right now,I feel a little frustrated-it's been one of those days were things aren't going like I want them to.
ReplyDeleteI was still writing for a moment after the four minute limit and my list (my blessings) includes: spending time with my family and close friend;laughter;helping others;surprises;my health and well-being;being independent;my future;day dreaming;my quite time;my faith in God;and small things like, a cute pair of shoes, a pint of rocky-road icecream and a good book.
I enjoyed this exercise and actually feel optimistic about how the remainder of my day will turn out.
Karla Crawford 315
Honestly, I feel frustrated, sad, exhilarated and proud. Why? Some goals I have accomplish while others have not even been slightly brush. I am a freedom person. I don't like to be confined or without options. Perhaps that is the reason I declined a military offer.
ReplyDeleteMy experiences and continuous search to find my self has helped me learn about myself. I am still learning but have a good idea about who I am and where I want to be. The list has shown me how much I've grown compared to the past. I used to focus on females with the idea to find a life long companion. Now, I let life flow, and make sure I am okay with the idea for possibilities.
Kathy Mattingly--COMM 315
ReplyDeleteThis was an eye-opening exercise for me. I wrote how I am feeling currently, tired, worried, confused and scared. I'm tired because I worry so much and can't shut my brain off at night to sleep. I'm woried about how to make ends meet and still pay for school to finish my degree, which is super important to me. I'm confused about what exactly I want to do with my life now that I'm unemployed and scared that I won't find a job soon. During my four minutes of reflecting on what makes me happy I realized that four minutes goes by faster than I thought! I made my list and after looking at it I realized that I'm not doing too bad! I have a very supportive boyfriend, family and friends that all love me unconditionally and give me a sense of security. I can control being healthy, exercising and having quiet time. The sun is shining today and that always makes me happy! The only thing I was a little surprised about was that money didn't pop up on my list until the very end. Given that I'm now unemployed I would have expected it to be much higher on my list but I think that comes from knowing that money doesn't really make you a happy person. Yes it can buy you things but in the end you take any of that with you and things will never make you truly happy. Yes, I worry about the money and probably always will but I think I worry about it more because I know I need it to achieve my goals and pay my bills. Outside of that it's not necessary to my happiness. This exercise made me feel much better about where I'm at in my life and has given me a better outlook for my future!
There are people in this world that live their lives for other people instead of living their lives for themselves. I understand that we have to have our priorities in perspective, such as when we have children, because their are certain responsibilities that come with having kids. When we have children they can sometimes cause us to put a hold on some of our dreams. I don't believe that they should stop us from dreaming but putting a halt on things is part of being a responsible parent.
ReplyDeleteI believe it's important to teach your kids from an early age to be leaders instead of followers. When we are taught to be leaders we do the things that make us happy instead of trying to please everyone around us. When we are leaders we have the courage to do what makes us happy and we are better able to identify with ourselves instead of worrying about what we think is the popular thing to do.
Angela Clayton says....
ReplyDeleteI've been so stressed lately because of the weather, friends, work, and school. Everything just feels like it weighs down on me. But of course there are things that make me happy. My animals (cat and dog) I couldn't imagine life without them and I can't believe that I lasted as long as I did without my animals. Good food is another because I feel like it's hard to eat good now that I've been out on my own. I really do miss home cooked foods. Also my health because alot of people don't think about health unless your sick or a loved one is. So I always thank God for health for myself and my loved ones. I do try to have a good attitude about things and always try to find happiness in things.
Right now I feel sad and disappointed, but at the same time I feel hopeful because I know that these feelings will fade away.
ReplyDeleteThe things that make me happy are:
1. Spending time with my family.
2. Hanging out with my friends.
3. Talking on the phone to my best friend about the days when we were growing up.
4. Going shopping.
5. Going out to eat.
6. Traveling the world.
7. Fixing myself up because it makes me feel good about myself and confident.
8. Being able to say “I go to college at the University of Louisville.”
9. Loving people who I know love me back.
10. Laughing
11. Watching a good movie.
12. Holding all the newborn babies in my family.
13. Cooking
14. Sleeping in
15. Being able to lay around the house all day watching T.V. and eating snacks.
16. Being nice to people and never meeting a stranger.
17. Remembering the love ones that I have lost over the years and the great memories that we had.
18. Speaking my mind.
Writing out this list made me happy, and it made me feel better about myself because this is who I am. I know that nothing is wrong with me, and I say that because I have been around people who I feel try to change me and have wanted me to put up with things that I shouldn’t. If I don’t like something I’m going to speak out about it and that is something about me that I don’t want to change. This list reflect the old me and the new me, these are things that I feel make me the humble person that I am because I am grateful for the great people that I have in my life. I would have to say that not much of my list reflects what I have been told to enjoy because my parents hate when I sleep in all day. When it comes to enjoying time with my family and friends I guess it could be something that they want me to enjoy because I have always been surrounded by my family. When it comes to the importance of friends my parents have shown that in their very own ways by telling stories about all of the fun they have had with them over the years and how til this day they aren’t to far away and have become like family as well.
G.Mason Comm.460-50
After reviewing my list i realize of lot of what makes me happy are people in my life. My son, my best friends, my extended family. But then there are the few times I have to myself that i value more than anything, although i feel a little guilty for it. Like Saturdays, when its just me, no kids and I can SLEEP. I feel like pressure is put to make family the number one thing in your life that makes you happy, but I think in my case, it truely does.
ReplyDeleteAt this exact moment in time I feel at little tired and stressed due to all of the work I am having to catch up on from school and home (mostly laundry) due to the horrible weather from last week and having no electricity for several days. I am still a very happy person though. As for the list, things that make me happy: #1 spending time with my family and friends, #2 seeing that my family is happy and healthy, #3 cooking and creating my own recipes for my family and friends, #4 maintaining a healthy and active lifestyle, #5 helping others, #6 my dog Mimi, #7 traveling, #8 doing well at school and making good grades, #9 shopping, #10 designing my home which has been an on going project since we bought it a little over a year ago, # 11 being financially stable.
ReplyDeleteIn looking over my list it makes me feel very happy. I am truely blessed and fortunate with my life right now. The one thing that is surprising on my list is that I included being financially stable. I know that this particular item on my list does not ensure happiness and I almost feel bad for including it but in honestly creating my list it came to mind as something that does make me happy, especially when times are hard. I do think that everything on my list truely reflects who I am as a person right now. I am in control of how happy I want to be and want to continue to maintain positive self esteem and a good attitude and outlook on life.
After reading my list..I'm confused. I know what makes me happy and some things on the list do make me happy but for all the wrong reasons. I love to go shopping and buy myself something. When I think about this, yes, these things do make me happy, but possibly they are replacing some unhappiness inside of me. Some things on my list make me very happy and appreciative for everything I have in life. I love spending time with me family and friends because they are hard to come buy. I have made decisions in my ife that I feel like would make me more happier, but sometimes I question them. During these times making a list of what makes you happy is almost a chore considering many I know are miserable. My list made me think about what is really important in my life.
ReplyDeleteI have done this exercise before and I felt the same way exhilerated yet frustrated. I am a single mother and I really feel that I can't do many of the things i would like to do to make myself happy because I do not get outside help from my parents or his parents. I try to do the little things like going shopping or getting my hair done and at one point tried to take dance lessons which I have wanted to do since I was a young girl but something or someone always got in the way I was always needed somewhere. It's awful to say but I feel that unless I move far away I won't have a life but then I will be filled with the guilt of leaving. What to do?
ReplyDeleteRebecca Hunt - Comm 315
ReplyDeleteI loved this exercise. I actually use this method a lot when I am stressed or unhappy about something. I am not great about talking about things with other people so that is my way of expressing. Anyway, I was actually surprised by how happy I really am. I'm a very anxious person and my mind constantly jumps from all of the things I'm worried about, the things I need to accomplish, but when I really reflected, I saw that just about everything I wrote was, "I'm really excited about..." I noticed how happy my dogs really make me. As silly as that sounds, they make me look forward to going for walks, going on a car ride, coming home after work, etc. They're so unconditionally loving. Everyone who feels they're missing something should have a pet! Anyway, I was also surprised by the things that make me nervous or stressed as they should be things that I'm excited about. Maybe I need to make some changes...
I think the length of time it's taken me to sit down and do this exercise is somewhat telling. I saw this blog at the beginning of the week and printed it out to do the exercise at home. Well, today is Sunday, and I've finally made the time for myself. As it is Sunday, and my school load isn't too heavy this weekend, I was feeling fairly relaxed and happy when I did the identification exercise.
ReplyDeleteAfter writing my list, it's interesting to me that most of what immediately came to mind are things that are reflective of where I am in my life right now. Much of what makes me happiest are things like spending time with friends, family, and my fiance, but I also feel happy when I accomplish the goals I set for myself--like daily goals with schoolwork, laundry, exercising, and cooking. I also enjoy doing nice things for other people, whether it's a phone call or a simple note in the mail, or baking muffins or buying lunch or a gift for a friend. Lately, another big part of my life that brings me happiness is thinking about my wedding this May. For example, I got to go try on my dress yesterday, and I was giddy before, during, and after.
I feel pretty satisfied looking over my list, but a bit surprised that most of what I wrote down were short-term things. I think that's because I am thinking a lot about my upcoming wedding and also about graduating soon and looking for a new job. I am pretty unhappy with my job now, so I am hopeful for the future of my career. This list shows that I am definitely living in the present. In fact, I think if I had done this exercise at work, there's a good possibility that the results would have been very different, as would my attitude and general mood when sitting down to do it. Maybe, subconsciously, that's why I waited until the weekend. :)
~Thompson 460
Morgan Tardiff Comm 315-50
ReplyDeleteI'm having a hard time right now in the relationship I'm in and I'm trying to figure out if he really makes me happy or if I'm just dating because it's a comfort to have someone around. When I was writing down how I was feeling it seemed that everything I wrote had something to do with him. We don't share the same interest and it sees like thats the cause of most of our problems. We both want to change each other and it's just not working. I was so mad at him when I was making my list that his name fell at the bottom of my list. I don't know if thats just from stress with everything going on or if there really is a big problem i need to address?
I think its very very hard to identify with yourself and to actually relize what makes you happy and truly happy. It does take time also, thats the most important part i think, there is no way to know if you are truly happy unless you go through it with time and put courage and effort into it, happiness doesnt come without effort, you have to want to be happy and intended to by happy!
ReplyDeleteTokova 460 I really don't think much about what makes me happy. I am the type person that wants to fit in and will do whatever I have to in order to accomplish that. What makes me happiest is to have friends and family around me. I love spending time with my son and he is my life. I would love to have both my American family and my biological family with me. I am also a confrontational person and want problems resolved now not later. I will need to work on the identification process.
ReplyDeleteMy list consists of a variety of different things that make me happy. It's kind of funny the things we contribute with happiness. It seems like anything that stimulates your mind and invokes some kind of positive response can envoke happiness. I still find it interesting that doing things tou don't like can make you happy in the long run though. For instance, doing homework that you don't care for can still make you happy upon completion. Their are so many aspects to, and different kinds of happiness that it is difficult to figure out how to incorporate them all into a plethora of happiness. I feel that sitting down and taking time to see all the things that make you happy is very important to do in order to see how you can have all of them. - Zach Dobson 315
ReplyDeleteAfter compiling my list, I found that I truly enjoy the little things in life. Those small rewards that get you through a tough day, like a good song or a thumbs-up. I was pretty satisfied looking at my list, I could have probably listed things for another ten minutes. Much of my list reflects who I am now; A full-time student who is employed full-time as well. Things having to do with family, school, and work is what I'm all about. I have been on my own for quite some time. Besides my parents, nobody really tells me what I should be or could be doing, because I am too busy doing it all now. I have been told to enjoy a lot of things of which I currently do not indulge. However, I do not feel I have missed a thing. Like many of the above bloggers, I feel truly blessed. I am very fortunate to have a good support system behind me. I hope to create circumstances for which my happiness can be fully achieved. I enjoyed doing this exercise because it allowed me to step back and think.
ReplyDeleteTommy Kottalis 460