Last week, we examined the first part of being happy--holding the intention to be happy in situations. This week, we turn our attention to accountability. Happy people hold themselves accountable for their own happiness. In other words, they are determined to take full control of their lives. They honor their right to create for themselves a rich, full, and happy life. The "buck" stops with them!
Happy people don't see themselves as victims. Instead, they see themselves as creative problem-solvers--in any situation. And they don't play the blame game. They don't blame other people or circumstances or themselves for what is happening in their lives. Blaming is a destructive thing to do to yourself or to other people. However, not practicing self-blame doesn't mean that you are off the hook. You hold yourself accountable by asking a simple, yet powerful question: What's my part in this? By asking that question, you are embarking on a path of change; a path that changes the only thing you can change: YOURSELF.
One of the happy people Foster & Hicks' interviewed for their book described their reaction to negative life situations in the following way:
"If you can bear a horribly mixed metaphor, I'd say that I step up to the plate, rise above the fray and bite the bullet, at which point I seek out a new broom, and taking the bull by the horns, I then play the cards I'm dealt--without crying over spilt milk" (p.45)
That is a wonderful way to describe accountability!
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Morgan Tardiff posting and I think the person that Foster and Hicks interviewed in response to negative life situations was dead on. The metaphor was a funny and also a true reaction to explain how some “Happy” people deal with negative situations. For the most part I would consider myself a pretty happy person, but I do sometimes play the blame game. In some situations I do blame others and certain circumstances when a situation doesn’t work out the way I would like it. Often I find myself feeling sorry for myself for getting put into a situation like that. I should start asking myself what’s my part in this because I would probably start to see that I should take more of the blame then trying to push it on someone else. If I can ask myself this question maybe I will start to change the way I handle situations and only then will I start to see a change in myself.
ReplyDeleteAngela Clayton says....
ReplyDeleteI consider myself a happy person and if anything is happening in my life I do not play the blame game. I do have people in my life that if they are going through a hard time in life they never place blame on theirselves they always look for a reason to blame someone else for their issues in their lives. I've learned over the years that I need to be accounted for my mistakes in life and to not blame others when it's your life it's your decision. Who wants to play a blame game with others peoples issues. People in today's world is full of mistakes and things that we regret. But the only way to over come these issues is to face that you've made mistakes in life and to learn from them and move on with life.
Too long and too often in my life have i blamed other people for my unhappiness. Once I got into college I started to a trip to change who I was and what I thought about so I could be happy. I have to watch how I view myself though and realize that i can work on myself and be happy with myself at the same time. I don't want to be stuck on the impossible task of perfection my whole life, I just focus on one part at a time. I need to realize that I am just fine as I am and that it is okay to be who I am and improve in certain areas.
ReplyDeleteI consider myself a happy person. I try to make my own path and if success is in my future, I like to believe I made it happen. I also like to rely on friends for happiness, though. This means, to me, that I enjoy the presence of my friends and build off of their happiness and they off mine. I do not let bad things sit or wrongdoings to set me off my pace for success.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this doesn't mean that I won't be sad about something every now and then. My family is the most important thing to me and if something happens to any relative it does set an influence on me. But my family are also the first ones to make me laugh and the first ones I would prefer to be around. Being a "happy person," I like to think I create a positive influence on everyone around me and I thrive on the happiness of others as well.
Megan Powers, Comm 315
ReplyDeleteIn a marketing class I took last semester we read the book "Happier" by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. I have to confess, it was not an easy read for me. It did, however, provoke me to think about the ways I control my own happiness. I had never really thought about it, but I have always been a happy person. This is probably the reason the book was rather boring to me. Of course, I can always make improvements, but the majority of it was geared toward people who (not surprisingly) wanted to be happier. He discussed many of the same principles as have been discussed in this blog. One must be responsible for his or her own happiness and not expect it to simply be bestowed upon them.
My philosophy has always been that if you don't like the way something is in your life, change it or find a way to deal with it. There's nothing else you can do. Sitting around and complaining about it isn't going to make anyone happy or even comfortable so you should do what you can to make the best of a situation or transform it into something more enjoyable.
Accountability is I believe one of the most important qualities one person can posess. The qualities that I put above accountability are honesty and integrity. But to have honesty and integrity you also have to have accountability because when you are accountable for your actions then you can be honest and have integrity. In today's world it seems that too many people have lost the concept of accountability, everyone wants to blame everyone else for their problems. I believe it is true that a person who is accountable to themselves will be much happier. Because when someone is accountable for themselves then it is so much easier to turn a bad situation into a better light. Accountability is definitely one very important quality that I will hopefully be able to instill into my children one day.
ReplyDeleteAdam Froman 315
Sydney Smith
ReplyDeleteI think that the topic of this post is very interesting. I would consider myself to be a happy person, but that definitely was after I started taking responsibility for everything in my life. I am almost finished school and for most of my life have been very dependent on my parents. When things would go wrong, I would find a way to point the finger and blame everyone else. Now I can truly say that I am much happier that for most everything in my life I can turn to myself for answers of why? or how? and if something goes wrong I analyze it both good and bad, and move one. It keeps me happy. Blaming also leads to dwelling on things and for me to be happy its always best to understand, learn and move on. I think the quote is perfect. Sums up everything about moving on and being happy!
I believe that when you hold yourself accountable for what you do, there is a part of you that takes the blame for what happens in your life. When something happens to use and we are the cause, I believe we have to say "that was my fault." People that are able to except resposibilities for their actions are more respected, by others, than people that always place the blame on others. Since a child I was taught that you are suppose to be responsible for your own actions. This is something that I still live by today and try to instill in my kids. For example, if I make a bad grade in class the reason is probably because I didn't put forth the effort to make a good grade. I can't blame my grade on the teacher and say I got the grade because the teacher doesn't like me. I have to take accountability for my grades and blame myself. I think when we are able to blame ourselves for our shortcomings and when we become accountable for our actions we will become better individuals because of it.
ReplyDeleteI agree that we are all accountable for our actions and feelings. I think that no matter what your situation is you can make better of it. I think that you have to right to be happy and that there are ways that you can continue to be happy even in a bad situation. On the reverse side within reason if you are in a bad situation such as abuse or other bad things you sometimes may have to power to get out of these situations also. I do believe that you deal with the things that you are given to the best of your abilties.
ReplyDeleteI found this post to be very relevant to what is going on in my life at the moment. I am surrounded by negativity in my job and also with my ex-husband. What part do I play? I need to step back and play the part of the person who has done what can be done and it is out of my hands. I have been as proactive and as understanding as one person can be...I am stretched as far as what I emotionally can do. I play the "sit back and let it work out" part at this point. There is not much else I can do. I actually took the quote and printed it and posted it at my desk
ReplyDeleteI found this post to be very enlightening, especially with the quote on the end where the person was interviewed by Foster and Hicks. That metaphor was dead on and whoever thought to say that and to put those metaphors together where it would make sense is an aggressive genius. I feel that everyone should want to be in control of their own destiny and happiness, that defines the person that is inside...someone who is in tune with himself/herself and is content with it and knows what they want out of life. Evenstill, there is only so much can do because fate, destiny or what have you can always come into play and switch things right up. So it's also, I believe, that a "happy" or proactive person can deal with whatever happens, no matter how or when it does.
ReplyDeleteAshley Casebier posting...
ReplyDeleteI think it is much easier to blame than the take the bull by the horns. I try to blame as little as possible but find myself playing the blame game from time to time. I think once you start that game, and I have before, it is harder to stop using it as an excuse. You feel better that it is not your fault or that you didn't choose to make something go wrong, it just happened. However, when you gain the strength to accept something happened and try to overcome the challenges by taking accountability then situations will look very different when they approach.
Brandi Koch
ReplyDeleteIt seems that these blog posts are speaking directly to my life situations at the moment. Accountability. It is true that we are all responsible for our own happiness. Sometimes it is difficult to not let the actions of others get you down or make you "unhappy". What is my part in this? For me, if I do not speak up about my own feelings, wants and desires, then it is my own fault if I find myself in a situation where I have sacrificed my happiness for another. Life is made of choices and we try to make the best ones that we can with the information we have at the time. I always try to project how my life will be in the future regarding the choices I make. Sometimes I am right, sometimes I am wrong. But, I always try to roll with the punches and make the best out of the situation. I have faith that as long as I take responsibility for my actions and do my best to work hard and help others, life will help me out with my happiness.
I have a tendency at times to take this to an extreme and hold myself too accountable, if that makes sense. Dr. Werking says that playing the blame game doesn't only apply to blaming others but also to blaming ourselves. Since I was raised in a very strict and religious household, guilt was one of those things that was put into my mind at a young age and has plagued me throughout my life. Sometimes I have difficulty finding the distinction between accountability and self-chastisement.
ReplyDeleteI got divorced over 5 years ago, yet I still blame myself completely for the failure of that relationship, and honestly, for not being strong enough before we even got married to stand up and say "This isn't the right step for me." I have gotten better about not beating myself up for it and trying to utilize the lessons I learned from those experiences to impact my current and future decisions positively, but there are times when I still catch that self-blaming voice.
I also like that our text talks about those "voices in our heads" and advises to be careful about our ideas of their origin. For so long, I've been convinced that my blaming voice was God's way of showing me I had yet to earn forgiveness, but I realize now that the voice may be my superego pushing me to obtain perfection.
One key thing to remember here for me is that while I am responsible for my own actions, beating myself up about that for the rest of my life does no good. It only breeds more negativity and guilt. I try to remind myself that being aware of and learning from my mistakes is a good thing, but not forgiving myself for them is unhealthy and stifles my emotional growth.
~Thompson 460
Maria R Davidson - COMM 315
ReplyDeleteThat is actually a brilliant metaphor, one worthy of a place on my corkboard. I definitely feel that I am in charge of my own happiness. I do think that there are contributing factors of course but I choose to be happy. I do have people in my life that choose to be miserable. Of course these people never choose this for themselves but instead are quick to point out everything in their lives that are unfair and contribute to their lack of happiness. I understand that not every day can consist of rosy moments but if you have contributing factors in your life that you know bring you down then why keep those factors present if there is no need to. I know you can't choose your family, your fate of health (in many cases) or single handedly change the economy but by being present in your life and open to positive thinking - it allows for happier times in the future.
Everyday, we choose whether to be happy or not. When I get up I choose to like myself and my life. I choose to go to work and like my job. Work in particular can be a difficult part of life to like. I work retail and I know I am doing this job to put myself through school so I can choose a job I can really love. I also know that it is okay to like what I am doing now. If school wasn’t an option for me, I would probably still choose a job that makes me happy. Many people that I work with do not choose to be happy. Many of my fellow employees constantly say they hate to come to work everyday. They feel the world owes them something. Others are happy where they are. I think we all get what we work for. Unseen things may hinder our paths, but eventually we are the choices we make.
ReplyDeleteAs a kid, my Dad was big on “choices”. My brother and I were discouraged to blame others (and each other) for the things that happened in our lives. When we did point fingers we got Dad’s long lecture on how we are the choices we make. Dad uses many examples from his life on how hard some choices are, but we live with that choice. Some choices may make us happy, some choices may not. Other choices that are hard to make may be best for us and make us happy, but may disappoint someone else. Dad always says those are the most difficult choices to make. As I have crossed into adulthood I think my Dad has mixed feeling on how he encouraged my independence. I think he’s proud of me and how I make my own choices and live my own life, but sees those same things in a nostalgic light when he wonders what happened to his little girl.
Brandee Flynn Comm 315
I think that accountability can play a crucial role in the pursuit of happiness. Things happen that cause us to get upset, mad, or frustrated that we cannot control. Sometimes there is someone to blame sometimes there is not. The person blamed is not always the person or force that is accountable. I sometimes do fall into the trap of blaming others. There are instances when I feel a certain way because of something, but it is up to me how I chose to react, reflect, and feel afterwards after an incident has occurred. I think I need to adopt the habit of asking myself, "What's my part in this?" I feel that it can facilitate rational thinking and promote methodical problem solving. I find no challenge in blaming, its actually pretty easy. What is tough however, is making sense of the issue, and figuring it out systematically.
ReplyDeleteIn response to the above quote:
I know that if I hang in there it'll all work out, because s happens. You gotta just pick yourself up by the bootstraps and roll with the punches.
Tommy Kottalis-460
Courtney Busick - COMM 460
ReplyDeleteMy mom has tried to instill this thought process in me. She has always said that I cannot have my happiness dependent on someone else. I think it's fair to say that it's easier to place the blame on someone else, especially when something isn't going as we planned. I have in the past blamed others for my unhappiness and for the choices I had made. I realized I was only furthering my unhappiness by doing so. I am learning to hold myself accountable for my actions, my choices, and my own happiness. When I do hold myself accountable, I feel in control because I am. I feel like I can make the best choices for myself and if they do not turn out the way I planned, I can be self-reflective. Self-reflection is healthier than blaming others.
Carrie Flanagan COM 315
ReplyDeleteFor the majority of my teenage and adult life I've been a chronically depressed person. Though, a few years ago I finally decided that I was going to be happy. I was so tired of being depressed. I was so tired of it that I was even bored with being depressed, if that makes any sense. From that day on I decided that I was going to have fun and enjoy myself around other people and that I was going to be happy with what I already have (e.g. friends, job, car, apartment, location, salary). This was about four years ago.
Beyond having the intention to be happy I had to decide that I was going to be happy no matter what happened. No more: "If I go out and meet a nice guy I will be happy", or "If I go out and so-and-so is there it will ruin my night", or "If I get this promotion I will finally be happy". I decided that I would no longer let my emotional well being be based off of some variable. To me, this is becoming "accountable" for my own happiness.
I think this is quite an interesting topic, and honestly, I never thought about the accountability factor.
ReplyDeleteI consider myself a happy person, like most people. Once I have been forced to think about it I realized that I now take responsibility for my own happiness. When I was younger, I played the blame game, it was much easier that way. I was never completely happy and satisfied though. From where I'm standing now it's clear to see that not being accountable definitely put me at a disadvantage.
Turner - 315
So is anyone ever 100% happy ALL the time? I read in a lot of my fellow classmate's posts that they consider themselves as a happy person for the most part. I then continued to find a trend among my peers that they find themselves plating the blame game from time to time; who doesn't do this?? I argue that we all have that defensive trait within and it shows every now and then- happy or not. I suppose I am happy person for the majority of time; I do not like to be happy- nor do others that are around me for that matter! I do occasionally find myself in a rut and become unhappy. However, like the individual quoted in the blog I pick myself up and fight to regain my happiness back. Who doesn't WANT to be happy?
ReplyDeleteMeg Rudolph 460
I believe that we are in control of our own destiny to a large extent. I believe that luck does not exist and hard work pays off. Also good things happen to good people. Negatively is everywhere in the world and their are many negative people in the world that enjoy other misery. Unhappy people want others to be unhappy with them. It is important to always surround yourself with positive people and to always think positive if positive things are going to happen for you.
ReplyDeleteOne must be accountable for their own actions and feelings in life. If a person in unhappy in a certain situation or relationship, one should make changes to make a situation better. That may mean to break up in a relationship or have positive thoughts. In a game, I always tell me self to think positive and continue to work hard even if we are losing. Positive thoughts will bring positive results.
Ahhh accountability. That is something I have a huge issue with. I know my happiness is my own, I can either make myself happy or make myself miserable. I am horrible at blaming others for my unhappiness, granted at times they are to blame, but if it is preventable by me than it is my own fault. I most usually start blaming others when things are out of my control. I think that stopping to ask myself, "What is my part in this" is a good step into making myself face head on the fact that my happiness is mine to be had.
ReplyDeleteShannon Cline-Comm 460
Tokova 460
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is easier to place blame on someone else instead of accepting that I am responsible for the problem. It makes it easier to deal with if you don't feel like you are the one to blame. Nobody wants to be the one responsible for problems in a relaltionship so it is easier to blame the other person. If you take ownership of the problem, you can take the steps to fix it.
When reading your description of the happy person's take on accountability, I would like to think that I fit rather nicely into this category. I have always been a "no excuses" type person. One of my favorite sayings is :" you made you bed, now sleep." Which is just a way of saying that it you get yourself into a situation, deal with it, and figure out how to fix it. You have to be willing to take responsibility for your problems, even if they expose your weaknesses and shortcomings. If you can not take charge of a problem in this way, then you will never learn how to fix the,. If you do not learn how to fix your problems, then you will always be looking for someone to come behind you, and clean up the mess that your have created.
ReplyDeletePosted by Branden Hatfield Comm 315-50
I have to say, I absolutely love the quote describing accountability. In my younger years I struggled with accepting that anything in my life could be my fault because I had been dealt a really bad hand but it wasn't until the last few years that I realized that although I needed validation, living a happy prosperous meaningful life and going after my dreams would be much more healing and therapeutic that any other behavior. I just had to learn how to do that and I am still learning. It may sound weird to some but some people sabotage themselves when things get good before they even realize what they've done, others don't know how to feel happy if others around them aren't, and I at times feel guilty doing things for myself that in the end would define making myself happy.
ReplyDeleteI think that as children growing up we automatically start blaming others for our problems, whether it be our siblings, friends, cousins, etc. We never want to be the ones to get in trouble so we blame someone else. It seems to be the easy way out. As I grew older I realized that this was not the way to accomplish anything. As children, our conscious is not well aware of the feelings we are hurting by passing on that blame. As adults we are well aware of the people we are hurting by blaming others. It's a terrible thing to do. When I left home and went to college for the first time I started taking responsiblity for my own life. I started gaining the urge to want to do things for myself and take responsibility if things went wrong. If we don't learn to take responsibility for our own actions then we are never going to truly be happy in life. As a student said above, we have to learn to take it one piece of our lives at a time.
ReplyDeleteI have become accountable in many ways...I quit smoking, I lost some extra weight, took some classes. All things that were hard but worthwhile in my mind. Instead of making excuses about why I couldn't accomplish these things and blaming God, my job, my husband (not necessarily in that order) I accepted responsibility for my behavior and ultimately my happiness. I have to work on the accountability thing. I can slip into the blame game too easily if I don't kick myself in the rear some days.
ReplyDeleteT Woods Comm315
I am a very happy person for the most part. I am also normal like everyone else and have not so happy days. I am not going to lie and say, " I haven't played the blame game either." In fact my husband and I tend to do this quite often with one another and even though I can sit here and say there is no point to this game and that it only causes more arguing and fighting we still do it. A perfect example is, where is the tv remote and who had it last? Even our daughters get brought into this game sometimes not intentionally it just seems to happen. I feel that it is very hard to not play or even realize that you are playing the blame game sometimes. It is so easy to pass the blame, but it takes a strong willed, and motivated person who wants to take control of their life to overcome these challanges. My part in this is to actually be this person, more motivated and strong willed so that I can own up to or take responsibility for my actions and not point the finger except for at myself.
ReplyDeleteThis best way that I feel that I display accountability is being a person who will admit when they are wrong or that they have made a mistake. When these types of occasions arise I stand up to them and make an attempt to make things right. If I can’t make them right I just accept that I can’t make things right, but I will take in this situation and I try to learn from it so I won’t make the same mistake again.
ReplyDeleteThere was a time frame within my college career when I fell short of reaching my goal, and because of it I had to take another route. In the end it is going to all work out, but I have learned from my mistakes and now I will continue to move forward and play the hand that I have pretty much dealt myself. Looking back on this situation I realize that I was the person standing in the way of my own success and I still am.
When it comes to being a happy person, whom I believe I am, if I want to be happy in this life that I am living I know that it all depends on me. No one can make me happy if I don’t make the effort to make sure that I am happy with myself. Along with happiness just like previous blog discussions, it all begins with the “self”.
G.Mason Comm 315-50
I think accountability is something I have actually learned a lot about lately when it comes to happiness and I really agree with it strongly. I think people who play victim are setting their own fate and can cause their unhappiness. When you take charge of a situation you are allowing yourself to succeed everytime. When you allow other people to run your days and decide your fate you are setting yourself up for failure. You have to be accountable for your actions. I used to be very bad and always finding someone else to blame for my faults and would find myself feeling guilty but being able to admit faults and "step up the plate" brings so much relief, and happiness into your life.
ReplyDeleteAccountability, I feel is very important in finding happiness. How can you be happy if you can't take up for your actions? You must be able to own up to the things you do so that you don't have your mistakes and lies weighing heavily on your mind. As mentioned, the only thing you can truely change is yourself. Therefore, you should want to possess accountability because if you do make mistakes, which you will, you will be able to change yourself for the better because you hold yourself responsible for the mistakes you make. Living lies is no way to live and it will only drive you crazy and far away from happiness. Taking responsibility for your actions will allow you find an inner peace so that you don't have to be mad at yourself. Even if you are extremely disappointed with yourself, being accountable for your actions will allow you to learn from your mistakes and let you make better decisions in the future which can help you to become a happier person.
ReplyDeleteZachary Dobson - 315
Kathy Mattingly--COMM 315
ReplyDeleteThis post is very fitting for last week/this week. With the power outages from the storm I'm sure there were a lot of people out there blaming the weather for being unhappy. Even though we can't control the weather, we can choose to make the best of it and do what it takes to be happy through the rough times. I know that no one can be happy all the time, but I think in general most people want to be happy in life. I'm kind of glad I didn't have power and couldn't read this blog last week because I think it means so much more to me now. I lost my job on Monday through no fault of my own. When you work for an auto group and the economy has tanked, no one is buying cars and expenses have to be cut. I don't blame my bosses for letting me go, it had to be done to help keep the business afloat. I wanted to blame the economy but that wouldn't really do any good and it wouldn't make me feel better. So after lots of crying because I really liked my job, I decided to make the best of the situation and do what it takes to cut my own expenses and be happy about the future. I think as we get older we learn that while bad things happen it is how we deal with them that makes us who we are. Happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy. In many situations it is a matter of holding myself accountable and finding my part. I think I've gotten better at that as I've gotten older because I've learned that people aren't always going to be around for you to depend on. No one in the world can be responsible for your happiness except you! Some people say they rely on their friends to make them happy, but you choose your friends and you choose to be with happy people, so it's not really your friends making you happy...it's you! I know we all have our days that we don't feel our best and may not want to put on a happy face, but I don't think that makes a person unhappy. We are human and we all experience a wide range of emotions so being happy isn't an everyday thing...it's an overall thing.
I am so intrigued by the posts of my fellow cyber-classmates! I truly agree with the majority of the comments made. This class is really helping me to see me for me with faults and all. I am a happy person and i can also admit that i have played the blame game on many occasions. I have always been told that when you point a finger at someone, 3 other fingers are pointing right back at you. I feel the only way to be genuinely happy is to be actively working on your own life. We must accept accountability for those things that are good and bad in our life. By doing that, you are going to want to improve on the things you feel you are slacking in. Others may have good advice to give to you about how you can change but you cant depend on others to diagnose your problems. We must take retrospective looks within and decide what truly works for us and what doesnt.
ReplyDeleteI think that every one is responsible gor their own happiness. Being accountable for your life and your action will make you feel accomplished and good about your self. When you dont take accountability from your mistakes you can not grow from yourself. Growing and learning from ypurself can only make you better.
ReplyDelete